the spontaneous list

This year I'm so thankful for the totally unplanned fun. In between the mundane and the hard, there is so much good.

going to a night time ice skating party on Belle Isle where the guests shoveled larger and larger patches to skate on
volunteering to take Kaia out on a very short walk when it was -14 degrees

going along on Matt's business trip to L.A. and walking along Venice Beach with an old friend and taking the bus to Griffith Observatory on my own and going to a planetarium show
going to the Mall of America and getting Haagen Das

having a slumber party with high school friends then heading for lunchtime margaritas

getting Pho for lunch at the world's coolest recycling center on a cold day

taking a cab to see the Vivian Maier exhibit in Chicago before my train left town

eating at my second Stephanie Izard restaurant

eating the best potpies in a West Michigan town I'd never heard of before and ordering one extra to take home

going on a hike up my favorite Blue Hill and going disc golfing with my dad and brother

Skyping with Matt while he was working in Paris(!) and I was working in Baltimore

eating expensive Parisian truffles on my graduation weekend

seeing Les Miserable with my mom for the first time and liking it

playing in a golf scramble and winning $10 for woman's longest drive

biking to the Detroit Institute of Arts with Matt just to see a photography exhibit before it ended

deciding on an evening out with lots of sushi for our 13th anniversary
biking along Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore and walking our bikes over a mile up hill to Inspiration Point overlooking Glen Lake



biking a Detroit Slow Roll and seeing a woman pedaling in the highest red leather pumps

going to a Jimmy Buffet concert and watching the Parrotheads just because, and then being totally surprised and thrilled by a special James Taylor appearance

waiting anxiously for Matt to call with a new tale from his working Alaskan cruise(!!) 

buying the girls jerky and sour cherry candies and taking them to a new swim spot in the country, while the others stayed back and took care of business

getting caught in a huge storm at the ball game and waiting it out with family and neighbors

having fried avocado tacos, platanos,and aqua fresca with a friend in Harvard Square

meeting cousins' girlfriends and seeing Matisse and Carroll Dunham and other great exhibits in Denver
going wine and hard cider tasting with friends in the Leelanau Peninsula during the most breathtaking fall weekend
buying a groupon and touring the Saarinen house one Sunday afternoon
being the second shooter for a toddler's first photo shoot

finding the best roast chicken recipe to make for my mom's 60th birthday

booking a last minute vacation to Phoenix the week of Thanksgiving, just for the sunshine and rest

Totally unplanned, but totally fun.

37 by 37

Because it's getting dark so very early these days, because I read this great post about NaBloPoMo - national blog posting month - which talks about showing up here just because it's fun, because I have two years of possible posts I could share...and just because.

I'm ready for a 37 by 37 list. In 2013, I made a 35 by 35 list. This year I had a 36 by 36 list. I turned 36 in August and gave myself a two month extension on checking a few more things off that list before moving on to 37. Just because.

Like my friend Sarah does with her annual 100 New Things list, I aim for doing half of the things. And if I don't, it's not a big deal. I don't stress about it. I keep making lists because it's a reminder of things I want to try or accomplish. Like, oh hey, I totally need to make that happen. Not, grrr, I have to do this because I said I would. 


Because the list reminded me to make it happen, one of the highlights of this past year was going paddle boarding for the first time one beautiful weeknight evening on the Huron River. It was challenging and peaceful, and wouldn't have happened without the list. Other highlights were taking my niece on an overnight trip in Chicago for her 13th birthday, flying a very cheap kite on summer vacation with my other nieces which broke into sharp pieces within ten minutes, and downloading a geocaching app and going on a short treasure hunt with friends after dinner one night. Lots of good things.


Every year, I carry forward anything I'm still excited about doing and drop anything that I'm not excited about. A decent number of things have been on the list for two years. It's been a challenging two years, so going easy on myself has been super important. This is all in the spirit of self-care and showing up for myself, not doing for the sake of doing.



1.     Hike and finish #100trailmiles
2.     See a movie at the Ford Drive-In
3.     Shoot and post 50 photos from the Polaroid, Yashica, or Rolleiflex cameras
4.     Shoot and print a roll of double exposures with Matt
5.     Kayak in Port Austin, Michigan
6.     Take our bikes over to Ontario for a ride
7.     Complete an encaustic collage series with vintage women in the outdoors photos
8.     Finish 8 craft projects I planned and have the supplies to finish
         - Make a Michigan vintage postcards collage
         - Make vintage type set drawer piece
         - Sew another dress - a Staple Dress
         - Sew myself a second Ruby top
         - Sew pillows for the bed or couch
         - Sew myself a knit top
         - Sew a throw quilt with thrifted wool
         - Knit myself a new sweater
9.     Finally go to the Detroit Soup
10.   Finish decorating the bedroom
11.   Tour the Rouge factory
12.   Scan my grandpa’s photos with my mom
13.   Get into a Project Life habit
14.   Take long exposure photos of the stars at the Headlands International Dark Sky Park
15.   Ice skate on the Rideau Canal in Ottawa
16.   Attend a weekend art workshop or retreat
17.   Submit one (or more) of my dissertation papers for publication
18.   Learn to play a duet on the guitar with Matt
19.   Swim in the Barton Springs Pool in Austin
20.   List and sell something on Etsy
21.   Draw in the gallery at the Detroit Institute of Arts
22.   Skijor with Kaia (even for 3 minutes before I fall or she runs me into a tree)
23.   Set up a sewing station
24.   Hike the whole Waterloo trail (22+ miles)
25.   Visit a new museum in NYC
26.   Visit a new museum in the Midwest
27.   Spend a day exploring a Midwestern city
28.   Go to a taping of a TV show (is taping still a thing?)
29.   Buy a new-to-me sewing machine
30.   Spend a week with no screens after 6pm
31.   Try acupuncture
32.   Take a dance class
33.   Hit balls at the batting cages
34    Sleep in a yurt
35.   Fly on a trapeze
36.   Explore a state or country I've never visited
37.   Camp on an island

      When I started the 36 by 36 list in January, I immediately thought I should also keep a spontaneous list. I didn't keep one, except in my head, but I love the notion that the best things I experience in a year will be totally unplanned. Last night, I accidentally - uh, spontaneously - posted a 2014 spontaneous list before it was ready (why is the publish button right next to the save button???). I retracted it, but the original post still went out to email subscribers and news feeds. So anyway, I'll repost tomorrow, and it'll make a bit more sense then.

Planned and spontaneous fun.  Ready, set, go!

Taking Glue to Paper


I've been looking through collage books again. Thinking about paper and gel medium. I've also been doing some things I've wanted to do before I turn 36 at the end of the month. Like fly a kite with my nieces. And go paddleboarding with a friend. Giving away art for Free Art Friday was one of them. 

I don't actually want to give this one away. I like it. But I'm going to let go of it anyhow. That way, I will just need to keep making more things.

#33: Treat my niece to a girls overnight trip to celebrate her 13th birthday

Of all the things I want to do this year, this was tops. I once had a professor who took her grandchildren anywhere in the world they wanted to go for their bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah. It was a tradition I wanted to start with my own nieces - all five of them - though without the "anywhere in the world" part. Granted it would be great if I could swing an Amazonian river cruise or trip to Paris every few years.

Our first niece was just a babe in arms at our wedding twelve and a half years ago and a toddler when we lived near Chicago years ago, when I was in my early twenties and just getting used to big city living. Now she's on the cusp of becoming a teenager.

She lives in Illinois, so I gave her a few options - Chicago, Milwaukee, the Wisconsin Dells. She chose Chicago. All those years that she's been growing up, I've been navigating cities, so it was fun to show her the ropes. Since she was game for whatever, we spent our time the way I typically travel: taking the train, walking way too much, packing it in, shopping just a little, eating on the run, visiting a museum, buying tickets for a play that same day after researching every play in the city weeks before. She didn't get tired one bit. I very much needed a nap before it was dinnertime, but she easily could have kept going all night.





I love that she's in the in-between. She knows it too. Growing up is something she has to do. She kind of wants to and kind of doesn't. My best advice for navigating being a teenager was to stick with your closest small group of friends. With good luck, they could be your friends for a long time, and they'll help you get through all the stuff that isn't so great. And I told her to wear what you want to wear. And as far as make-up goes, I only wear eyeliner on special occasions.

Abundant things


I never mentioned that for 2014, the one little word I choose was "abundance." Or rather, it choose me. Over the holidays I read a book of love letters written between Matt's grandparents while they were courting. It was gifted to us by Matt's aunt and is quite a treasure, since we love them so. When they embarked on a long-distance courtship, they were both engaged in full-time professional ministry - his grandmother doing so as a deaconess in Baltimore before the United Methodist church ordained women and his grandfather as a minister in a very small town in Michigan. In the letters, they discussed their mutual commitment to abundant living. His grandma wrote, 
"I'll have to agree again with you, Mac, about the fact that city young people are harder to work with because it takes so much to satisfy them. Really for me, it takes so little (of the right abundant things) to make me happy, grateful, content! Oh! to help them catch that little bit of what it takes to be content."
Having had the pleasure of knowing Matt's grandma for nearly twenty years now, she may be the most consistently content person I've known. She was on to something.

After I couldn't get it out of my head, I looked up the phrase "abundant living" and it turns out the term was popularized by Oral Roberts in the post-war period when Matt's grandparents were quickly falling in love. The sociologist in me thinks that it makes a lot of sense that a theological discussion around abundance took hold as the country entered its most wealthy, consumer-oriented era to date in the 1950's.

Ultimately, I feel the word abundance choose me is because it actually makes me really uncomfortable. Both because of the religiosity around the term, but also because I think of myself as someone who adheres more to a simple living philosophy than to abundant living. But, when I'm honest and look around, I have a lot of stuff. Seriously, we have four computers for two of us. Some of the excess gets in the way of living the way I want to live. But mainly, I just want to more deeply enjoy and get use out of what I have. It goes hand in hand with what I was already setting out to do this year: make a clearing.

At some point well over a year ago, I made a conscious decision to hold back from sharing here the things I was making. I wanted to take the pressure off so I could experiment a little more and just enjoy the making process. I guess I made a clearing of privacy for awhile. I'm glad I did that, but I'm ready to share here more. Sharing right now seems in line with the idea of living abundantly.

So for starters, above is my version of the Simple Sprinkle scarf which is my go-to cowl this very cold winter. I started it last winter to use up yarn scraps, put it aside, and then finished it up in December. The pattern called for a few more repeats, but I thought the shorter length was cozy so I stopped knitting when I felt like stopping.

So that's my plan - more intentionally pick up what's calling me creatively and set aside what I'm not enjoying. Simple and abundant.

Weekend garment sewing with Rae and April


I've wanted to learn to make dresses for awhile. This Washi dress in particular. This weekend was the weekend.

I grew up with women who quilted and made dolls, but not garments. This probably saved me from having to wear a lot of embarrassing ensembles, but still, I've always been interested in garment sewing. My first sewing project was a purse that I made out of shiny bubble-gum pink spandex in 4th grade. I used it for trick-or-treating and it sagged all the way to the ground by the end of the night. In 7th grade home ec, I decided to sew a purple jersey knit dress (not an easy fabric to start with), while the other kids made pillows. I was pretty proud of myself for taking on an ambitious project, seeing that I come from a long line of women who sew beautifully, but I hit my final growth spurt mid-semester and outgrew the dress before I finished it! It remained almost done, too tight and short to wear, and taunted me for quite awhile.

Since then, I've planned a lot of sewing projects but haven't followed through with most of them. Collecting patterns and fabric was actually my hobby. Then, a couple years ago someone in my knitting group said she wanted to learn to sew a dress that could become her uniform for work. That idea really appealed to me, and when I saw the Washi dress, I thought it might be the dress. The designer lived locally so I kept my eye out for a class with her.

This past fall I took a work trip to Seattle. While looking for a place to eat dinner after a long flight, I stumbled on a very lovely fabric shop called Drygoods Design in Ballard. I'm not exaggerating even a little when I say that ending up in Ballard accidentally was like stumbling straight into Pacific Northwest fantasy-land, where everyone drove Suburus and bearded guys in flannel and chooks sold organic beet juice at a farmer's market on a street filled with coffee shops. I even went into a dessert shop devoted to molten chocolate cakes and $8 jelly jars filled with handcrafted sea salt dark chocolate pudding. I was a little more than charmed by the whole scene and lost my better sense, walking away from Drygoods with the Washi paper pattern and enough expensive fabric for two dresses and a shirt!

This time, I was on the hook to actually follow-through. So, I signed up right away when the weekend garment sewing workshop, hosted by Rae Hoekstra of Made by Rae and April Rhodes, was announced on Rae's blog. Both women design easy-to-sew patterns with a modern sensibility. Rae designed the Washi Dress, and it's been a bit of a sensation among young seamstresses. April is from Columbus, Ohio, and is quite accomplished - owning a local fabric shop with her mom and designing very stylish patterns that she sells online. 

For the whole weekend, twelve of us - some who came from as far as away as Montreal and Chicago - got to hang out in Rae's studio in Ann Arbor, getting tips from both designers on how to custom fit patterns to your body and learn other little tricks of the trade. We also got to try on their dress and blouse samples hanging on the rack. So.much.fun. It felt like a very low stakes version of Project Runway. Except the phrase "that's so adorable" was used a lot instead of "make it work." You get the idea.

My sewing is a little rusty and I'm not the best at following directions, so my progress was a little slower than some of the other women. Most were away from kids for the weekend and laser-focused on maximum sewing time. Some stayed until 11pm Saturday night. I was in a slower paced mood and stopped for all the demos and asked a lot of questions so I could learn how to trace a pattern onto Swedish tracing paper, make a muslin, adjust the fit (particularly in the bust, which involves finding your apex!), and get some tips on garment finishing techniques like shirring, hemming, pleating, and making bias tape. I also got a tutorial on using my serger, which has been sitting in my basement since I snagged it last year from a neighbor who moved to San Francisco. 


It was also fun to be a bit of a tourist in the college town next door to where I grew up. Rae's studio was next to the pizza place my parents took me to as a baby. Saturday the weather took a turn for the even-worse, and I had to call up a good friend from high school and bum a sleepover on her couch. On Sunday I wanted to finish my dress, but I decided instead to go along on a little field trip to Pink Castle Fabrics and my favorite place to eat in town these days - Frita Batidos.

I love knitting, I love painting, I love papercrafting, but I think for a little bit here, sewing is going to be my main craft.

I'll be done with my first Washi dress within a week. Hold me to it, friends. Because like always, I have a more than a few other projects in mind.

36 by 36

I'm writing up a post on how it went in 2013 with my 35 by 35 list.

But in the meantime, on this first day of the New Year, here is my 36 by 36 list. This year, like my friend Sarah does with her annual list, I'm going to try for half this time around. I'm getting the hang of this now.

I carried forward #1-23, with some modification. Some are longer term works-in-progress (#2-6, #10, #14).

1.     See a movie at the Ford Drive-In
2.     Blog 50 photos I took on the Polaroid, Yashica, or Rolleiflex cameras
3.     Shoot and print a roll of double exposures with Matt
4.     Shoot and print a roll of underwater photos
5.     Fill an art journal with collages and drawings
6.     Hike #100trailmiles
7.     Kayak in Port Austin, Michigan
8.     Take our bikes over to Ontario for a ride
9.     Complete an encaustic collage series with vintage women in the outdoors photos
10. Finish 6 craft projects I planned
o    Michigan postcards collage
o    Vintage type set drawer piece
o    Washi dress #1
o    Washi dress #2
o    Ruby top
o    Market bags
11. Learn to use my (not so new) serger
12. Buy something at John King Books
13. Finally go to the Detroit Soup
14. Finish decorating the bedroom
15. Hang our art and prints
16. Own a KitchenAid mixer
17. Practice yoga or meditation every day for a month
18. Tour the Rouge factory
19. Buy a last minute weekend flight and travel to a random city
20. Leave or find some art for Free Art Fridays
21. Scan my grandpa’s photos with my mom
22. Volunteer 20 hours at the Earthworks garden and/or Sierra Club Inner City Outings
23. Get into a Project Life habit
24. Take long exposure photos of the stars at the Headlands International Dark Sky Park
25. Ice skate on the Rideau Canal in Ottawa
26. Attend a weekend art workshop or retreat
27. Own cross-country skis
28. Try geocaching
29. Submit one (or more) of my dissertation papers for publication
30. Go camping...anywhere!
31. Learn to play a duet on the guitar with Matt
32. Go paddle boarding
33. Treat my niece to a girls overnight trip to celebrate her 13th birthday
34. Swim in the Barton Springs Pool in Austin
35. List and sell something on Etsy

36. Fly a kite

2014 – ready, set, go!

Making a clearing

Now is an in-between season for me. I decided a couple months ago, thanks to this prompting, to slowly go through every closet. Every nook of my living space - both physical and spiritual - and to work on a gentler approach to my life. Less of the things I don't need and more of what is essential.

A couple days after I turned in my dissertation in mid-August, Matt and I were in San Francisco and we were exhausted. At breakfast, we met a man - a chatty British expat with black and green hair who flew in from western Australia where he lived to spend a week creating sculptures in a warehouse in Oakland before going to Burning Man. He told us the dust in the desert is corrosive so you have to wear goggles all week to keep your eyes from burning. He went every year.

Without a doubt, he was the kind of person who struck up conversations with anyone his path. I am the kind of person who listens to every person who strikes up a conversation with me. Luckily, he was a good conversationalist so over coffee and toast, we talked about art, travel, culture, and politics.

The second day at breakfast, our new friend was having a conversation with another couple who was headed home that afternoon. The five of us conversed, and we came to learn that the husband had a PhD in engineering. I told him I'd just turned in my paper before arriving in San Francisco for a vacation. He told me confidently that it would take me a full year to "spin down" from six years of graduate school. He'd taught PhD students for many years and he said he'd seen it again and again. It will take a full year.

He also mentioned that he and his wife had adopted children, and after some thought, I gently brought up our stretch of infertility. I guessed that they might have lived that stress too, and they had. I recognized immediately the grace of crossing paths with someone at exactly the right moment who got how tired I was and who told me: it will take time.

And to cross paths with a wild man who built giant works of art in a foreign country and then burned shit in the desert just for fun. There was a lesson in that chance meeting too.

After this past weekend of Thanksgiving, Matt and I took our dog on a walk in a small bit of woods over the border in Canada. After we got back, the word 'retreat' kept popping up for me throughout the week.
When I finished college and before I got married, I had the incredible fortune to spend time at a Quaker retreat center for four months. I was desperate for time away from home since I never studied abroad or interned in D.C. during college like I felt I should have. A professor was encouraging me to get a PhD then, yet after college, all I wanted was a break to learn how to not work for awhile. Though I had some chores at the retreat center, like mopping floors after dinner and preparing egg salad for weekenders, I spent many nights in the art studio at the potter's wheel. I made so many bowls and plates I couldn't pay the studio back for the clay at the end of my time there. Some of those pieces have broken. Others we still have.

On the cusp of adulthood, I somehow figured out that I needed to learn how to slay back the overachieving forces within me. They are strong. Having new letters behind my name now comes with new pressures, and after six years of too much work and a couple bitter doses of heartbreak, I find myself wrestling against ambition again.

I am fully rooted in adult life though. That's the difference between then and now. Hitting the pause button and retreating for months...well, it's not going to happen.

What I can do is make a clearing. With that open space, I can weave retreat back into my daily life. I can find more moments for leaves to crunch underfoot, for my hands to be full of clay or paint or clothe, and for time to just be. Time to take photos again and to find words to write in this space.

Thirteen years after that long retreat, I still have a sense memory, though distant, of what it feels like to slow down.

I am giving myself a year to relearn how to spin down.

Currents: One last study break








I started this currents list during a short study break last week, the final week of working on my dissertation, while on vacation with my family. My 5-year old niece above kept saying, "Aunt Sara's still working." I told her, "Next time I see you, I won't be working." I think my whole life will feel like a vacation from now on.

Location: Up north.
Watching: My nieces play - their smiles, their expressions, their curiosities. The oldest is all about dolls, bugs, running faster than anyone else and shaping this hot pink goop her grandma bought her into a million imaginary things. The youngest is all about dolls, opening and closing doors, giving kisses, starting to say her words versus signing her words, and zooming around as fast as a lightening bug.
Wanting: To have this dissertation monkey off my back once and for all.
Reading: I finished Parties, Work and Pain: Sylvia Plath in New York, Summer 1953 the other week which was a very fast and easy read. I don't think I've finished a book in over a year. I am now starting The Bell Jar, which somehow I never read in college.
Loving: That I'm off of work for August, and that my family can be hang out in close quarters for a long weekend and not get that sick of each other.
Working: On final revisions to my dissertation before I file it. The final pain. Edited: It's filed now and I'm officially done. I cried from relief when it was accepted.
Creating: Nothing yet, but I've gathered supplies from thrift stores to make some of these wee stuff animals. I've been itching to sew the most, maybe because it seems quick unlike a dissertation or knitting, so I have a list of sewing projects for the fall.
Listening: To my brother call my nieces darlin'. He's such a good dad.
Dreaming: I dreamt last night that I was in a dance crew competition, and after we won, we ran a race around a track under bright lights. Matt said my mind is longing for my body to move, which is very true after a whole summer of sitting still.
Thinking: Given how this year has gone, most of my 35 by 35 list is going to going to have to be converted to a 36 by 36 list.
Eating: Blueberries and apple pie.
Drinking: Lemonade and red wine. Edited: Champagne.
Wondering: What the fall will bring.

Coping with Infertility and Pregnancy Loss: Blogs, Books, Movies, Music and other Resources


In the past couple years, I've benefited so tremendously from other women sharing their stories online. Now after I've had time to deal with things privately, I feel a responsibility to 'out' myself as infertile and as someone who has experienced pregnancy loss. Plus, keeping quiet it is tiring and I'm tired enough. Our prognosis is good but we've had really painful setbacks in the last few months. We will just keep trying. I know that someday, some way we will be parents.

I might share my story a bit more later, but in the meantime here is a list of resources that have helped me cope.

Some of these might be helpful to anyone who is working through some hard stuff in life. If you are reading this and have other resources that have been helpful to you, I'd love it if you would share them in the comments.

Blog Posts on Infertility
  • The Journey: Part Two at Super Hero Life - Andrea captures it. The coffee guilt. The stress guilt. The Western medicine/alternative medicine guilt. The things people say without (usually) meaning to be insensitive. It's all here. This post is how I learned about IUI and that there were options before IVF that might work for us.
  • I am Infertile and The End of Infertility? at Yeah, Write - Angie does a wonderful job of sharing what it's like to be infertile in her first post, and then in the second post about how adoption cured her childlessness but not her infertility. She includes a couple beautiful poems on grief. "Grief remains one of the few things that has the power to silence us. It is a whisper in the world and a clamor within." - Anne Quindlen
  • On Being In Your Thirties at Elements of Style - A friend posted this on Facebook. Erin wrestles with how much emphasis to put on trying to get pregnant in light of other goals, and the hard parts about not having children in your thirties. "The inevitable follow up question came…'Do you have kids?'"

Blog Posts on Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss

Resources
  • Resolve, The National Association of Infertility - A friend's mom recommended Resolve to me, so I joined the online support community. It has made a HUGE difference in my mental health. Every day, someone else is going through what I'm going through and this is the place to connect, to vent and to get some encouragement and information. They also have in-person support groups across the country and provide information and advocacy for better health insurance laws regarding infertility. We've been lucky that so far our treatments have been covered, but living in Michigan we will not be so lucky if we need IVF.
  • The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust in the United Kingdom has a very comprehensive website. The FAQs page is particularly helpful.

Videos and Podcasts

Books
  • One Good Egg: An Illustrated Memoir by Suzy Becker - I love everything about this book. It's really funny and so right on. And I love that she's a lesbian and she went through so much of what I am going through as a straight person. We're all human. The book is illustrated too - amazing. She covers the very scary ectopic pregnancy experience which I read and then re-read recently.
  • A Field Guide for Now: Notes on Mindfulness and Life in the Present Tense by Christine Rosalie - She writes short, thick descriptions of her everyday life and her attempts to live in the moment, even when life is scary or messy. And she's a talented multimedia artist, which I love. This one is actually a lot about motherhood, so it may not be the right book for someone who is infertile but I read it with the mindset that someday this will be me while centering myself on my here and now.

Movies
  • Away We Go - The first time we watched this a few years ago we related to it because they were trying to find their home, a place to start their family. We watched it a few weeks ago, and halfway through I said, "The couple in Montreal with the adopted kids. I forgot that she had miscarriages." The scenes captured it, both the woman's and the man's perspectives. It's really brilliant.
  • The Other Woman - Natalie Portman takes her pain out on everyone around her and it's delicious to watch. Warning though, this one is about infant loss. It's raw. There's an interesting scene between her and a friend who experienced infertility and miscarriage.

Music
  • So Hard by the Dixie Chicks. And who doesn't have a guilty pleasure for celebrity mag articles, especially when they are truthful.
  • I Was Made for Sunny Days by The Weepies - For when you need a pick me up and a good cry all in one. "I may deal with gray, but I didn't stay." (She does mention a baby, but again I listen to it with the someday-this-will-be-me attitude.)
  • Bad Day by REM - For when you need to rock out a little on a bad day. And watch Michael Stipe play the harmonica and dance a silly dance with blue paint on his face.
Hang in there. Luckily I've had a ton of support from family and friends and hope you do too.

If you have a friend or family member who is struggling with infertility and miscarriage, all they need from you is a message every once in awhile to let them know you're thinking about them. She (or he) might not want to talk about it. Or they might want to talk about it, and just might not know how to bring it up to you. Mainly, they need you to listen and not give too much advice, unless they ask for it. In general, an email or text or card to let them know you are thinking about them is all you need to do to be supportive. This post on Rage Against the Minivan about talking with an infertile friend has some good tips.

Collage

One of my 35 before 35 goals was to fill a journal up with collages. I'm on my way.

For me, collage is just a way to unwind and play around. I try not to think about it too hard. Yet, it's a fun puzzle - cutting out pieces and moving them around until they start to feel right. Eventually I say good enough, turn the page and start the next one. It's a low pressure way to play around with style, techniques and composition. And believe me, that experimentation leads to pages that are disasters and that I would never post on the internet!

Katie Licht is a collage artist who inspires me. She is an illustrator, a graphic designer and a Midwesterner too. I bought two of her art journal packs and they are really affordable and great collage starters. She also recently made her own zine which is super fun! She includes tips to get you started with making your own book of fun, vintage inspired collages. She didn't pay me to say this or nothing. Just someone whose work I recommend checking out if this is your thing.